You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Drunk is a universal language darling
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
