p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
