Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
