Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
