he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
