i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
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he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
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Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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