your room smells of hookers.
And success
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
