Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
