Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
