If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
