Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
