That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
