my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You are a booty call, not a friend.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
