I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
