Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Operation Purity has been aborted
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
There r osticjed everywhere
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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