am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
