i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
