I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
