so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
