i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Randomize
