you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
