I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
what day is it and did you see me today?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
is that a dick in a sweater?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
