oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Too much gin, very little bucket
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
