She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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