i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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