i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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