I am spending my child support on dildos
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
the raccoons are back...
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