What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
