I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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