you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
