The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
