Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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