he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
