I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
we're so committed to being not committed
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
