So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
please come you make the beer taste better
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
