lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
