i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
