How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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