I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
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im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
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I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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