You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
