If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
