WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
