Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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