Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
