i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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