She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She bit a glass in half.
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I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
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Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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