Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Michael Bay diarrhea
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize