I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
