woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It's blow job season.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
