She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
