I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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