first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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