Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
