i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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