She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
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It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
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I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
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