haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
