some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i barfeds in our rink
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
