It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
