funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
