Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You've changed since you got that strap on
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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