Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
