I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
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Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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