is your mom at the bar?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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