I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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