I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
