I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
